Let me explain…

Have you ever put a sim in a pool and taken out the ladder? Ever made them use a stove in a 3×3 box, knowing it would end in disaster? Had them lie back and watch the clouds “just to see what happens”?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you forfeit the right to judge me for anything on this blog.

Long ago, when I was on my second legacy attempt and sometimes needed a break from emotionally investing in sims, I developed a highly systematic way of playing with life death.

I called it Sim Salad.

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What it was was essentially a Survivor-style “game show” where eight contestants competed to be the last man standing… literally. They were hand-picked for superior athleticism and resilience created by randomizing the crap out of everything in CAS.
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So why “Sim Salad”? Well, this was — let’s see — 2006, so I was 13. The words sounded funny together, okay? I think I’m exempt from trying to explain that logic.

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The contestants had a few moments to get acquainted before they were launched into a series of standard challenges:

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The fire challenge.

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The pool challenge.

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The electrocution challenge.

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The satellite challenge.

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The… foot race? You know, I’m not clear on how this one worked, but I’m assuming…

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Ah, yes. The loser died by boolprop flies.

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Sometimes, I got a little carried away and there was romance…

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…followed by the inevitable heartbreak…

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…animosity…

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…and total aspirational failure.

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Oh, and babies. Did I mention the babies?

At some point, Sim Salad became more than a heartless experiment. It became personal, and in a way, that made it even more heartless.

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This is Apple Gorflognop, winner of the inaugural season of Sim Salad. What did she win, you ask?

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Well, she got to stay alive. She was allowed to get married, have children, and enjoy a long, unstable life filled with PTSD and memory suppression.

One day, pregnant Apple went out to the store, came home, got out of her car, and started choking. She was suffering from the rare MCDS (Mysterious Choking Death Syndrome) that Maxis never acknowledged nor fixed.

When I paused the game and called my sister in tears, I knew that I was in over my head with the whole thing.

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However, Sim Salad went on for several more seasons, not of all of which ran through to completion. I even tried my hand at filming it, but the footage is now corrupt and anyway, it was pretty shoddy. The theme song was Sim Tile from TS2 University Build Mode (specifically the banjo diddy toward the middle).

So what’s the point in reviving this rip-off of the Hunger Games* horrific display of sadism? Well, partly for old times’ sake. Partly because I am once again in the middle of a legacy and need a more relaxed side project. And largely because I want to do something different this time, exploring the “let’s kill sims for fun” phenomenon in a more empathetic way.

…By killing sims for fun?

It’ll make sense down the road. At least I hope so.

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*It wasn’t published when I started this, so there.

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7 comments

  1. Sammy-Sama · August 26, 2015

    Can I just say that I love the fact that your idea of a ‘relaxed side project’ is murdering a household full of sims in fun, challenging ways haha. Hilarious and exactly what I’d want to do when I need a break from legacy writing lol.
    I still really love the idea of this and I can’t wait to read more. It’s really making me wish for an online competition like Sim Salad where it’s like Survivor or Big Brother. I wish I were friends with more legacy writers because I need a hobby and I’d love to run something like that haha.

    • gryffindork7 · August 26, 2015

      Bahaha, it is kind of strange when you put it like that! I guess it’s the total opposite of a legacy because a) they don’t have to accomplish anything, b) you don’t have to care about them, and c) it doesn’t matter what they look like. 😛
      You should doooo iiiiit! There must be enough of us to round up a group haha

      • Sammy-Sama · August 27, 2015

        I’ve thought a little more about it, I’d need 7 simselves with my simself there as a host. I might throw the idea out there on Boolprop one day and see how many people seem into it. You wouldn’t even really need Sims 4 to enter, just the demo to create a simself.

      • gryffindork7 · August 27, 2015

        That’s true! I bet it wouldn’t be too hard to find 7 people. For starters, I know I’d be interested. 🙂

      • Sammy-Sama · August 27, 2015

        I’ll definitely make a post on both my blogs and on Boolprop once I actually get it going haha.

  2. autumnrein · August 31, 2015

    I put a sim in a box once and left him there until he died. There was a lot of crying and a bunch of pee and a really scary clown. So this is hilarious.

    • gryffindork7 · September 11, 2015

      Hahahaha, sounds like a good time! The fact that you did this “once” already makes you better than me…

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