Have you ever put a sim in a pool and taken out the ladder? Ever made them use a stove in a 3×3 box, knowing it would end in disaster? Had them lie back and watch the clouds “just to see what happens”?
If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you forfeit the right to judge me for anything on this blog.
Long ago, when I was on my second legacy attempt and sometimes needed a break from emotionally investing in sims, I developed a highly systematic way of playing with life death.
I called it Sim Salad.
What it was was essentially a Survivor-style “game show” where eight contestants competed to be the last man standing… literally. They were hand-picked for superior athleticism and resilience created by randomizing the crap out of everything in CAS.
So why “Sim Salad”? Well, this was — let’s see — 2006, so I was 13. The words sounded funny together, okay? I think I’m exempt from trying to explain that logic.
The contestants had a few moments to get acquainted before they were launched into a series of standard challenges:
Sometimes, I got a little carried away and there was romance…
…followed by inevitable heartbreak…
…and total aspirational failure.
Oh, and babies. Did I mention the babies?
At some point, Sim Salad became more than a heartless experiment. It became personal, and in a way, that made it even more heartless.
This is Apple Gorflognop, winner of the inaugural season of Sim Salad. What did she win, you ask?
Well, she got to stay alive. She was allowed to get married, have children, and enjoy a long, unstable life filled with PTSD and memory suppression.
One day, pregnant Apple went out to the store, came home, got out of her car, and started choking. She was suffering from the rare MCDS (Mysterious Choking Death Syndrome) that Maxis never acknowledged nor fixed.
When I paused the game and called my sister in tears, I knew that I was in over my head with the whole thing.
However, Sim Salad went on for several more seasons, not of all of which ran through to completion. I even tried my hand at filming it, but the footage is now corrupt and anyway, it was pretty shoddy. The theme song was Sim Tile from TS2 University Build Mode (specifically the banjo diddy toward the middle).
So what’s the point in reviving this rip-off of the Hunger Games* horrific display of sadism? Well, partly for old times’ sake. Partly because I am once again in the middle of a legacy and need a more relaxed side project. And largely because I want to do something different this time, exploring the “let’s kill sims for fun” phenomenon in a more empathetic way.
…By killing sims for fun?
It’ll make sense down the road. At least I hope so.
*It wasn’t published when I started this, so there.